Dear Reader,
I know they say relationships are hard but we are the ones that make them hard. Some of the obstacles that hit us in that journey are precedented and therefore can be avoided.
I was asked by one reader, "I've been dating this guy for four years. Ever since I was 23. Eight months ago I was with him at his place. I asked him what the future held for us because I felt that we needed to take it to the next level. He wasn't showing any signs of taking the initiative. He was hesitant to answer me and when he did, the answer in itself wasn't that comforting. "We are gonna see!" My heart leapt out of its normal position and I angrily asked him what he meant. "You're a wonderful lady and all but your people don't like me one bit. I love you but the truth is - it will never work for me." I was confused at all these and asked him, "If I hadn't asked you about it, when were u planning to tell me?"
He looked up and sighed. Then held my hands, looked at me and said, "I would have never gotten the courage to tell you. I wouldn't even know how to begin. Hurting you the way I'm doing is not something to hold my head up high for knowing the far that we've come and the many sacrifices we've made in this relationship. I've tried getting my head around it - fact that your folks don't want me for you even after all this while that we've been together. I'll never be happy. And me being unhappy will make you unhappy."
It was not the first that we'd had this conversation. But this time it was more severe. I could see the look on his face as he was telling me all this. He was neither apologetic nor concerned about how I was feeling. The tears that were now flowing uncontrollably on my cheeks. He was cold. Cold as ice gets.
"Why now?? Why after all this time? Just when I'm all ready to start a family with him" - the questions running through my mind as I looked at him crash me.
"You're with me not my people. If you love me as much as u claim, then you would not be hurting me the much that you're doing. Please! Don't leave me like this. How am I gonna start all over? What are people gonna say? Please don't walk away!"
"I just can't won't work for me. I'm sorry" - His last words and he escorted me to the bus stop
Like a month ago he reached out saying how sorry he was and that he wanted me back. I'd loved him more than I did myself. I forgot all the hell that he made me go through getting my life back on track. The many nights I cried myself to sleep with no one to comfort me. Fact that I lost weight and almost got into depression. I even forgot that I had already met a very gentle loving man. And the fact that we'd be getting married in a five months time.
We planned a dinner date over at his house. Here we'd catch up and I'd shed off my long grudge emotions. I called my fiance and told him I'd be spending the night at my cousin's.
I went over and we dined, talked things over and I ended up sleeping with him. The past couple of weeks have been looking really good. I sneak out just to be with him. He tells me to leave my man and be with him but I'm torn. Please advice me on what to do"
Well, I'm no master but can tell when one is acting clever but playing stupid. You were hurt. Heartbroken. At a point where the view didn't please the eye. You picked and dusted yourself up when the one u cared about didn't care. Started all over and you build new foundations and new walls. And now that u see the old architect, you wanna bring them all down? For what? Old destructions? Old passions?
Level up. Be a critical and logical thinker.
Where was he when you were going through all this tribulations? For eight months he has been away. God knows where! Your life is on good track and you wanna throw it all away? Be wise. Don't bring in obstacles that will dent you for life
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